What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
