Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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