Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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