giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Randomize