Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
