my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
