True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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