I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
