Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
