dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
