i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Randomize