I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
