Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
i think i just lost a toe
Randomize
