So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Life is so much better after having sex.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
