I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
