i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
