I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
