So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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