I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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