fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
