Princesses don't give blow jobs
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
