i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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