You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
