My first STD was from a foam party
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize