I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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