We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
