What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
