six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
