I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize