Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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