I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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