Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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