in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize