Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
