but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
