At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
