I just saw a hot homeless man
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
