We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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