Farmville is her only friend.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize