I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
