well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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