I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i just google imaged poop.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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