my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize