New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
