She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
