It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
should my penis look like a turkey
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
