the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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