The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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