so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
