I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
