about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
