i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
