She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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