What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Randomize
