O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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