My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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