he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
BRING THE BAGELS
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
