its not stalking. its research.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
