Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I wear drunk well.
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