I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
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