capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
