Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
