She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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