If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize