Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
