why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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