I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
