Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
