these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
