It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Randomize
