HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize