Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
