Are we in a gay sports bar?
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
