I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
