Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
